Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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