Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
