the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He shit in the fireplace
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
