I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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