How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
