Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm always down for nudity.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
