Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
