Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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