That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
