I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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