how can u be prego again
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
