So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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