i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
