A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
