If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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