I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
