paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
