dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
