Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
