i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
