I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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