just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
