Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
