oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
