he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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