he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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