In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he thought i was a dude.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
