then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
