The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
