Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
