mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
