it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
