I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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