you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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