ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
farters have to be the big spoon...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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