it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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