I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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