He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
