Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
