Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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