I wish I could teleport
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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