we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize