It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
