I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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