You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
