he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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