Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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