We won't sleep together?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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