I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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