I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
