Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
