I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Shame - the story of my life.
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