I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
