I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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