hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
