just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
