Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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