I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
