I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
