Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
