I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
