My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
