I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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