Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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