we made out on top of his cat.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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