I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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