the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Watching her eat just hurts me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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