Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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