i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
