I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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