Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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